The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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