I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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