I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
