If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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