I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
