I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
