dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
