are you still at the devil's house?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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