last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
