Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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