I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
