do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
