Just cropdusted the office
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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