I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
