Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
