Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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