So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Randomize
