I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
