She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
