Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
