last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
