Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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