Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
