You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
