after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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