It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
