please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
