We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
