I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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