3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
