I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
