I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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