Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
