: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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