i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
