I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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