Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I need to calm my uterus...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
