Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My vagina is very pro this idea
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
