What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
