i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
