You made me cry and you don't even care
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
