Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
