Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The beer is more important than you right now.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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