So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm jealous of your bromance
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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