So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
