We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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