This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
