whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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