Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
