my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
