Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
